...

I was just told that my parents are getting seperated and... I have no idea hiw I feel...
I've been living on my own for a few years, so it's not something that is going to influence me greatly. They are still friends, it was a mutual decission, no one got hurt, so I guess all that is as good as it can be... And I understand it I suppose, I'm not angry, not even particularly sad... Just... Sort of empty.
It is sad I guess... I just don't feel sad...

My parents have always sort of been the couple I looked to when people were going "everyone is getting divorced these days" or "if you meet young, it's never gonna last!"... I could always say "Yes, well, it -can- work out, look at my parents, they met when my mom was 18, had their first kid when she was 21 (my dad is 2 years older, do the math), and they're still together, and have 5 kids now"...
Now that's not true anymore. It is not because I care about the image really, I couldn't care less... It's more... Will things change for me? Will I lose trust in love, in the "untill deaht do us apart"? Hopefully not. I don't think so. Right now, I feel even more determined to find the right guy and -make it work-. Forever? If it can... We'll see I guess...

I really don't know how I feel... It's not lifechanging for me in any way... It's not big drama, it's not extremely emotional... It's just... strange...

So, looks like I am now 100% single again... This guy I've been sort of having a fling with lately desided that he isn't ready for anything...
Of course it's sad cause I really liked him, but I was kind of prepared for it, and things have been quite complicated lately, so a bit of it is actually a relief... Just to know where you stand at least.
So for the first time in ages, I feel like I can write about it without feeling whiny. Cause I'm not.. I'm actually feeling okay.

Guess it's just about enjoying it while it last, being single I mean ^^ I used to like it a lot before I got my bf, should be able to dig that feeling again :)

Dreaming,,,

I realised that I don't really like dreaming. Yoiu might wonder if it's because I have many nightmares or unpleasent dreams? Not really, I think my dreams are pretty neutral... I just don't like it.
I can't say exactly what it is, I just realised that for a while now, I've been slightly annoyed every day when I wake up.
Perhaps it's a question about control? That I don't like not having any influence over what happens? I don't know, I'm not a huge controlfreak, so it would be kind of strange if it is...

The truth is, I really don't know what it is. It just annoyes me. Not much, I know there isn't really anything to do about it, just a little... Enough for waking up not being something I enjoy... Perhaps I should start setting an alarm, then I won't really have time to be annoyed over dreaming...

I think I dreamt that I couldn't sleep last night. I mean, I thought I couldn't sleep, but right now, it seem kind of unreal, my memory of... Not sleeping... So perhaps it was just a dream?
Now wouldn't that be annoying?

"I'm sorry.."

Now, the title probably indicates, that this is gonna be some sort of an appology. It's not. It's gonna be about politeness.
I have a couple of times been told that I'm too polite (which is actually funny, since I'm also slightly arrogant, funny how those two things can combine).
My friend used to make fun of me, because when ever a car stopped for me at the street, I would do this little bow thing. Not really a bow, I would just my upper body slightly and incline my head. I'm not sure why, I just wanted to show them that I appreciated it I guess.
When I worked at Mc. Donalds adn was standing in the drive in, the other people wearing headsets would usually joke about how overly eager, helpful and polite I'd sound in the speakers.
And when I worked at another resturant and was being taught how to do things, one of the waiters would get extremely annoyed at me, telling me to stop saying "I'm sorry" every time I did something wrong, as she said it was natural to do things wrong in the beginning. Well, I know it is, and it wasn't really because I was sorry. That's just... How I am... When I do something wrong, even though I know it might not be my fault, or that others might not care about it, I say "I'm sorry," I guess to show that I know I did it wrong.. Same if I almost walk into someone on the sidewalk, even if it was not my fault. It's not because I'm actually sorry, I'm just being polite.

Now, am I being too polite? I don't know. To be honest, I think we're rather impolite in Denmark, at least compared to other places. In England, you say "please" after every other sentence, and though I know we say "tak" sometimes here, it seems far from consistent. It is not uncommon to see customers yell at service personal in stores, for something that was the customers fault, and it's not uncommon to see said service personal treat customers as if they'd really prefer if they were all shot.

To be honest, I think we'd avoid a lot troubles if people would care to be just a little more polite sometimes. Be prepared to, for politenes, share the blame, even if it wasn't your fault. And yes, just because it's polite! Of course, only minor cases, you shouldn't take the blame if your neighbour kill his wife, but I'm sure you get the point.

I'm not saying that there aren't politeness around, there is, and I think that a lot of people are very polite, helping moms with... You know those things you put your baby into?, into buses, offering you to jump ahead in the line if you only have one thing and such, and I truly appreciate that! It can make my day if someone is polite to me! See how little it takes, I'm sure many people feel the same.
So why can't we just do it all the time, why do we have to get rude and unpleasent if things doesn't go completely our way?

Get on with the "please", the "thank you", and maybe most of all: The "I'm sorry"!

Drawing

I'e always been drawing, though I'm not -that- good at it. Sure, I can draw a little, but I've always wanted to be better, I just never had the patience for it.
Well, lately I've been feeling much more for drawing, so today I went to pick up a new set of pencils and a sketchbook and then I'm gonna give it a serious go. Hopefully I can stick at it, drawing a few sketches every day instead of two every other month should improve my skills a lot, whch will eventually make it more fun for me to do, then I'll do it more, and... Well, it can only go up! ^^

If I can stick to it, that is, I have not exactly been known to always follow through with things...

Facebook...?

I've never really been much of a Facebook user... A bit more lately, as it sometimes can be fun enough to see what people in your life is doing, mainly my younger sisters actually. Oh no, I'm not one of those stalking, overprotective older sisters, but when I'm missing them, it's nice to see they're still doing ok without me being there.
I've been thinking a bit about the purpose of facebook. A few weeks ago, I was sure that it was just a way to see if your friends were suddenly "free on the market"... About a week after Alex and me broke up, I set my status there to single, and it didn't take more than a few hours for the first person to ask if I was interested in something, which in itself is ok I guess. My problem was that I haven't talked to this guy for a year. Why am I suddenly interesting, just because I'm single? I mean, if he -really- was interested, shouldn't he want to keep me in his life, even if I was taken... But yeah ok, I know that most guys, or girls for that matter, at my age is not exactly as ready to settle down as much as I am.
And what do you do when you think you might have found the right one, or at least someone who -could- very well be the right one, and he might think the same, but maybe not? I had almost forgotten all the uncertinty it brings to not be in a relationship, even if you like someone, and he likes you, it's a lot of cat-and-mouse... But I'm not gonna turn this in to a Sex and the City blog about my lovelife... It was Facebook I was talking about.

Right now, one of the only applications I really use is the "Pet Society". It's just this small little game where you have a pet and then can get money by visiting friends, to buy clothes and furnitures. Kind of cute, kind of pointless, as so many things else. But it's kind of nice as well, at least from time to time. Doesn't take much to just feed your pet and give him a bath now and then.
That and the "what are you thinking about?"-thing. The thing is, that one is very much like Twitter... But ok, who doesn't like to tell what they're doing and thinking about -all the time-? I guess I must, since I got a blog... And a twitter... And update it on facebook... And messenger...
God, I'm a narcissist <.<


Well, we knew that already...



Edit:
Oh, and another thing I'm wondering about is the "You might know..." function.. I was just checking it going through everyone people think I might know... And sure, I knew some of them... There was a lot I didn't, and even more that I might know who is, but that I have never talked to. And then there's a few who I actually know, but don't really want to talk to. There are usually those people from your past. Different people belong in different times of your life, and to be honest, I don't care all that much for the people I worked 4 months with in Mc. Donalds, even though a lot of them were probably great friends and colleagues at the time. And there are some that I really -didn't- like, so why would I want to be friends with them on Facebook? I've never really been a huge fan of "let's add everyone we know so that it looks like we got 1945 friends, cause then people will think we're popular, and we'll feel better about ourself, yay"-deal... But sure, if it works for you. I have to admit that I have MANY people listed as friends in there, that I NEVER talk to, but it's mainly because I'm too polite to click no when people add me. Stupid really, but meh, to be honest, I don't really care who can see pictures of me from the last party I was at, or read that I'm currently thinking about my lack of money... Who cares anyway? I usually don't get drunk enough to do really stupid things anyway.

There are many more things I can talk about, regarding facebook, but I'll just save that for another day.

Rockstar

Wow, now my blog looks very... Dark... Maybe too dark :P I've just recently (read: yesterday) felt a need to make my life more... Rockstar :P Starting to wear my "leather" pants, white t-shirts with prints and red sunglasses! Just need some lenses so I can actually use the sunglasses :P When the sun start shining that is.
Now, this might sound a bit fake... That I "chose" what style I want... But really, don't we all? We always create usself, by the music we hear, the clothes we were, the people we see etc... I like creating myself, like changing my preferences from time to time... My closet is getting far too big because of that, yes, but sometimes, you just feel... boring, you know? And you need to do something new! I have that feeling very much right now.
Maybe it¨s because things have ended with Alex... We've been together for what, 2½ year or something, and I know it's not forever, but it still feels like a long time to me... I just need a few changes now, it's spring, it feels like it's time for a new chapter to start, and what better way to mark that than by buying some new clothes, dressing up and having fun? :P


I need a red lipstick btw... And some new wetlook pants, the ones I got are kind of broken... Can you say that about clothes?

Taking up the blog again...

So, I discovered I had a reader :O I pretty much stopped the blog since I didn't think anyone was reading it, but since someone is, I might take it up again :)
Also, hopefully, things will be a bit less confusing to me now, last time I wrote, I was having a slightly tough time, trying to figure out what to do about the fact that even though I loved my boyfriend dearly, we wanted to go in very different directions, him wanting to focuse on his music, and me wanting a serious, longterm relationship...
Last week, we, or well, mainly me, desided that it was probably best if we continued seperate ways, well, all the details are a longer story, it was sad cause I still care a great deal for him, and he for me, but I think it was the right thing, and we're both kind of happy now, still talking very well together and hopefully remaining close friends :)

So... Well yeah, as mentioned, I was kind of down at that time, so my blog turned out a bit gloomy... Hopefully it will be more cheerfull now ^^

I got a job at CAVI, Center for Advanced Visualisation and Interaction, doing... Different kinds of stuff, helping with projects and what ever they need :) It's really nice, friendly people, interesting work and all that, and pretty decent money ^^
Have to work all this weekend though, so will be busy, but it's ok, it will likely be interesting as well...

Well, this blog wasn't supposed to be a "I've done this and this"-kind of thing, it was supposed to be anout thoughts and... Stuff... So I'll see if I can return to that ^^

VIII:

Hmm, the "daily" thing is still not going that well... Gonna have to shape up a little.
I'm still feeling a bit down, my friend seem to have stopped talking to me completely and it's just a mess... I hate having him angry at me, especially for something I didn't do, but I don't know what to do about it... So yeah, feeling down, have lost my appetite and such... But hopefully things will turn out ok in the end...

On a slighty less gloomy subject, I'm going to visist my family later today, my sister is going to sing at a school musical tomorrow, so of course I have to see that. I'm feeling a bit proud of her :)

To be honest, I don't really feel like writing right now, so it'll just be a short one. I will try to write again later to make up for the fact that I didn't write yesterday...

VII: Trust

Didn't write yesterday because of some personal stuff, and being busy. As you might have collected from my previous post, I'm a little down.

The subject of today's post will be colored by that. The subject is trust. It's such a tricky thing... You might know who you trust, but in theory, you can't know who you -can- trust. That's what's trust is all about. We often portrait it very black and white... Who can you trust and who can't you... And either you trust someone or you don't. I really don't think it's that simple. To the question of if you can trust someone... Well, I'm not gonna comment on that right now. This is more about if you actually trust someone. The reason I talk about this right now, is because someone I care a lot about doesn't trust me. He think I might have done something to hurt him, even though I would never, ever do that. And I can't prove that I didn't do it. I don't even have the smallest explanation to what could actually have happened, it's all a mystery for me. I can't blame him for not trusting me, because the situation could look as if I've done something. Maybe not intentionally cruel, but then at least thoughtless, that ended up hurting someone unintended. And if I really had, I would ask for forgivness... But I haven't, I know it's just my word, but I haven't done anything that could have this effect. Which against means that either someone is lying, or there's one of my friends who's hacked my computer or something... Which means there's someone -I- can't trust.
It's all very confusing. As I said, I can't blame him for not trusting me, because I don't have anything to prove that I didn't do it. Except for the fact that it would be unfathomly stupid of me, because there's every risk of it comig back to bite me if I actually -had- done it. And you can call me much, but I'm not -that- stupid. And even more: I know his situation, I'm pretty much in the same, and I would -HATE- if someone did to me, what was done to him. I would be so angry and frustrated, and I would probably lash out too... Even if it hurts me, a lot, that he's angry with me fr something I haven't done... That I can't make him believe that I didn't do it.
Now, here comes the question about if you trust someone or not. Because he say he an't trust me... And from his point of view, he can't. Only I know that he can, and what can I do with that? That doesn't really help anything, he's still hurt and angry and doesn't know if I'm lying, and I'm still hurt and confused and paranoid.
I don't know what I can say to make the situation better. I wish there was some thing I could say to make him believe me, but I can't... I hate to see him in pain, I hate it ore because I think I might have caused it.

I don't know what to do...

VI: I'm the soulweeper

This is pretty mcuch how I feel. In reverse kind of.


Soulweeper by Volbeat:


Well I found you girl, and see how it turned
I'm so sorry that I put your heart on fire
But I love you too
And I know I should've told you
Way back then
That I wasn't ready yet

So sad, so afraid, so frantic
I'm the soulweeper
So sad, so afraid, so frantic

Well I thought I was
Bursted for this one
I'm a fool in pain
and I feel so ashamed
Well I always said
Nothing was meant to be
And I still do baby
And I don't like to be

So sad, so afraid, so frantic
I'm the soulweeper
So sad, so afraid, so frantic

Well a new day is born and I like it
Long lost pictures come to life one more time
Well I know that you sit alone, and that hurts
But we'll always be friends, that's for sure

So sad, so afraid, so frantic
I'm the soulweeper
So sad, so afraid, so frantic

V: Valentine

Gonna go ahead a do the biggest cliché ever. A semi-depressed valentines blog. Or, well, more extremely bored than really depressed, but you get the idea.
You always think that Valentines day is nicer when you have a boyfriend, right? Well, it isn't really, when your boyfriend's too busy playing music with some other girl than to be with me. Now, I'm actually not jalous. I know a lot of people will think that, but really, we have a ery... Non-jalous relationship. The point is more that he is too busy with her to even have dinner with me. Despite the fact that we've seen eachother what, 6 times the last two months? A bit more this week, but still... Not that much. And yes, I know Valentines day is just made up by flower salesmen or something, and yes, I know it's stupid to celebrate it, and I know that's how he think. But no matter who is behind it, how commercial it is... I like the idea of setting a bit of time off to celebrate eachother... Appreciate eahother. You can do it every day if you want, but face it or not, relationships tend to get... into a daily rutine, just like everything else. There's nothing wrong with that, not at all, but to take just a few days a year, valentines day, your annivesery, to have a nice dinner, talk, concentrate on eachother. Of course we can do it everyday, but... There is something romantic about Valentine's day, isn't there?
And since he is busy, he could have send me a rose or something... Doesn't have to be fancy, it really -is- the thought that counts... I have to adit, I am a romantic... I love stuff like that, and even though my boyfriend can actually be quite romantic as well, it's not that often, and it's not like that... Sigh...


Anyway, now this is getting depressing :P the fact is, I'm just really bored, and that makes me a little bitter :p Waiting for the Sims 2 to finish installing so I can outlive the silly romances I can't gt myself on the computer instead. Yay ^^

IV: My new bass

I bought a bass today. Don't ask where I got the money, my bank is too patient :P
Anyway, it's black and shiny and really nice ^^ I don't know how to play it yet, but I'll learn.
Some might know that I'e been playing cello for many years, I got a cello though I don't play that much at the moment. But I really miss playing music, and I miss playing with other people. And though I love my cello, I've for a while wanted to play something that was easier to just go out and... Play... That didn't need that much preparation... And bass is just such an awesome instrument!
Alex sometimes says that he'd loe to see me on a stage sometimes, when we're doing the dishes and listening to music, because I'm also bouncing up and down and playing airguitar.. I think it could be interesting too. I sometimes think it could be fun to play in a metal band, just to be completely different from what that kind of bands often look like. If there is a female, she's always a singer, and she's always wearing some huge, gothic gown. It can look awesome, I admit that, but at the same time, I think it could be so much fun standing on the stage, playing some heavy kind of music wearing my bunnyjumper. Or a pink miniskort and with pigtails in my hair.

Though to be honest, I don't really know what kind of music i'd like to play... I listen to so many different kinds, everything could be fun really... And I guess I need to find a band first...

Oh... And learn to play ^^

III: Boots

I got new boots and made the HUGE mistake of wearing them yesterday.. Without bringing any bandaid. This might sound a little strange, but if you know me, it's really... Stupid... On eof my friends always make fun of me, because half of the time, my shoes/boots are killing me!
Now, you might say that the problem is that I buy the wrong kind of boots, buy them to small or too inpractical, trust me, I've heard that millions of times. That's -not- the case. I don't know exactly what it is, maybe I just have weird bones in my feet or something, maybe my skin is thin, I don't know what it is, but when ever I get a new pair of shoes or boots I spend the first couple of weeks in extreme pain, I get blisters and soars to the point where I can't really walk anymore. We're not talking a small innocent blister, we're talking blood. Ouch. So of course I should get used to always have a pack of bandaid in my bag, because if I put that on the space where the boot is pressing, it's usually not that bad. But no, of course I forget. So now, I am once again having open soars on both ankles. But at least I also got some quicklhealing bandaid here. That helps a lot ^^

II: About me

A proper introduction would probably be an idea. I don't really like writing stuff like this, it always seem a little boring to me, but... Yeah, some people might want to know more stuff about the facts of me...

As you might/might not know, my name is Katrine and I live in Århus in Denmark. The boring facts, yes. I'm taking a Bachelor in Digital Design, and I'll probably take a master as well, though I'm still not sure what I want to do with it. There'll probably be more about that in my blog later a few times.
I come from a relatively large family, at least in danish standards, being the oldest of five kids, I have 3 younger sisters and a brother. Pretty standard, happy family, loving parents, all that, not much to tell there right now. I moved out around 2 years ago, when I was 19, which of course makes me 21 now. My birthday is the 9th of may (more boring facts, but maybe someone will want to wish me a happy birthday then ^^).

I'm in a relationship with a guy named Alex, and have been for roughly 2½ year. He's making music... And stuff... Oh yeah, fascinating :P


So, let's look at what I do in my freetime and such. I've never really been much for sports and such, I've always enjoyed the creative stuff a lot more. I played cello during my childhood, I have a cello that I sitll play sometimes, though not as much as I woud like. I draw a little, recently bought a tablet, that I truly love. One of my favorites though is writing. Currently, it's mainly fanfic for various MMO's, but also some poems and shrtstories.
And yes, then I play computergames, mainly MMORPG's (Massively Multiplayer Online RolePlaying Game). I've been playing a few over the past years, currently looking for something new as I'm feeling terribly bored with the ones I got.

Of pets, I currently have two rats and a mouse, and if I feel like it, I'll make a post about them sometime.

But yeah, this is actually really boring, so I'm gonna end the introduction here, cause I all the tie feel like writing about something else.

See ya.

I: The thoughts behind the blog

This is hopefully the first day of my daily blog project that will last… Well, hopefully for a long time. I’m on the net everyday anyway, so I figured I might as well spend some time writing a little about… Well… What ever comes into my mind.

I guess I should introduce myself? Or maybe there is soe sort of “about the blogger” option somewhere, I need to look around a little more.

I’e never really been much of a blogger before, always figured well, why would people read about my thoughts about stuff, I’m not really that interesting. But maybe I am sometimes anyway, I don’t know, or maybe someone will feel I am.

Now, I’ll look around before I post a hole lot about myself as I said, but I’ll tell a little about what my plans with this blog is. It’s not gonna be about sharing all my thougts about everything on the internet. You never know who might be reading.

It will be about all those very wise thoughts I often get (and that Alex (my boyfriend) has been forced to listen to), that are probably not that wise, but meh, they make me feel philosophical, so I guess it’s okay.

It will be about what’s going on in my life, what I do from day to day, what my plans and maybe dreams are, you know, all the regular stuff.

I’ll also try to post a picture of the clothes I wear everyday, partly because I think I got some cool clothes, because I’m a huge narcissist (charming, I know), and partly because that hopefully will inspire me to actually -wear- this cool clothes everyday. And then it will hopefully also get me started on writing some more.